Patrick Cassels 100% For Actual!

I write and perform in funny videos with CollegeHumor. You can email me at patrick.cassels@gmail.com, follow me on Twitter @patrick_cassels, or visit my web site www.patrickcassels.com.

July 24, 2014 at 10:45am
33 notes
Reblogged from collegehumor
collegehumor:

CollegeHumor is LIVE in Los Angeles, August 5th! Come see Pat Cassels & Adam Conover host some of the best stand-up and sketch comedy in the LA area. These tickets go fast so get them sooner rather than later.
More info here.

Los Angeles, we have a great show lined up for August’s CollegeHumor Live LA. Also, our own MIKE TRAPP will be hosting a nerdy trivia game show featuring the audience. So if you THINK you know your Adamantium from your Vibrainum and want to prove it, this is the show to come to!

collegehumor:

CollegeHumor is LIVE in Los Angeles, August 5th! Come see Pat Cassels & Adam Conover host some of the best stand-up and sketch comedy in the LA area. These tickets go fast so get them sooner rather than later.

More info here.

Los Angeles, we have a great show lined up for August’s CollegeHumor Live LA. Also, our own MIKE TRAPP will be hosting a nerdy trivia game show featuring the audience. So if you THINK you know your Adamantium from your Vibrainum and want to prove it, this is the show to come to!

July 22, 2014 at 11:06pm
126 notes

Passages From “To Kill A Mockingbird” If Atticus Finch Were More Like My Dad

  • “Kids, you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view,” Atticus said solemnly. Then, the smoke alarm went off. “Ah, shoot,” said Atticus. He scurried into the kitchen, then came back holding a skillet of burning hot dogs. “I totally screwed up dinner,” he said. “You kids okay with Denny’s tonight?”
  • "Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand,” Atticus told Jem. “It’s knowing you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway.” Jem nodded. Atticus pointed to his pants and smiled. “By the way,” he said, "check out these jeans I got at Wal-Mart, half-price.” Jem and I pretended to be impressed.
  • “It’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, but he was actually just telling us the name of a song his college prog-rock band used to perform. Atticus raised an acoustic guitar from under the dinner table and started tuning it, poorly. “Bet you didn’t know your old man used to rock, eh?”
  •  Jem and I ran up the porch steps. “Atticus! There’s a mad dog down the street!” cried Jem. “Grab your rifle!” We found Atticus on the bench reading John Grisham’s The Pelican Brief. “What?” Atticus said, not totally looking up from the book. Jem and I knew once he started with the Grisham Atticus was pretty much done for the night, so we just went inside. He halfheartedly called after us: “Thirty minutes of Nintendo each!”
  • “But there is one way in this country in which all men are created equal,” Atticus told the courtroom. “That institution is the court.” I looked at Jem, who was tearing up with pride. Atticus waved at us and smiled. “Hey Jem! Hey Scout!” he shouted. “Those are my kids, everyone.” Jem clenched his teeth and said, “Dad, shut UP.” As we shuffled out of the courtroom we could hear Atticus starting to beat-box: “My name is Atty Finch and I’m here to say/I believe in equality in a major way!”

July 11, 2014 at 6:54pm
329 notes
Reblogged from laughingsquid
laughingsquid:

’7 Days of Garbage’, A Thought-Provoking Photo Series That Shows People Laying In a Week’s Worth of Their Own Trash

This is stupid, right? Yeah. It’s stupid.

laughingsquid:

’7 Days of Garbage’, A Thought-Provoking Photo Series That Shows People Laying In a Week’s Worth of Their Own Trash

This is stupid, right? Yeah. It’s stupid.

July 10, 2014 at 12:10pm
20 notes

Emmy SnubWatch 2014: Pacific Blue

image

There were a lot of great shows nominated this year. But there were just as many MAJOR snubs. And no show got swept under the “snub” worse than USA’s Pacific Blue. Why? I have some theories…

-The Academy has a huge stick up their butts

-Pacific Blue has been off the air since 2000

-The show’s depiction of the Santa Monica bike police was too raw and unsettling for voters

-Pacific Blue is too ahead of its time. (I guarantee there will be cops on bikes in five years.)

-No eligible episodes were produced or released this year, making the series completely ineligible.

-Politics.

July 8, 2014 at 12:55pm
99 notes

The Cutest Lines From Taylor Swift’s “Wall Street Journal” Op-Ed

"The music industry is not dying… it’s just coming alive."

The value of an album is based on the amount of heart and soul an artist has bled into a body of work.”

"Then again, what is value but some number invented by a broken institution calling itself the Federal Reserve?"

"And don’t get me started on the IMF."

"I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22 percent of our paychecks shouldn’t go to Uncle Sam.

"Show me. Show me in our Constitution where it says that’s remotely legal?”

"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race."

"If there were such a thing as ‘justice,’ Alan Greenspan and his merry band of global thieves would be on trial for international crimes."

"I dated a Kennedy. If I printed the things he told me there’d be 10,000 angry Americans outside the Pentagon tomorrow.”

"Bohemian Grove. MK-Ultra. Google it, people."

“‘Speak Now’ is about the NSA. Listen to it again. It’s all there.”

"Someone needs to hit the ‘reset’ button on this whole society, man."

"All I’m saying is I own a cabin in Tahoe, and enough MRE’s to support a small militia for 2 weeks."

"Thanks to everyone who made my tour possible #RedLife." 

July 1, 2014 at 3:01pm
6 notes

"HURRY! THAT ALLIGATOR WHO KILLED THE JAMBALAYA CHEF WITH A TROMBONE IS GETTING AWAY ON A FANBOAT!"

-Scott Bakula with a Cajun Accent

(Source: youtube.com)

June 30, 2014 at 10:38pm
111 notes

Me posing for some goofball photos!!!