Patrick Cassels 100% For Actual!

I write and perform in funny videos with CollegeHumor. You can email me at patrick.cassels@gmail.com, follow me on Twitter @patrick_cassels, or visit my web site www.patrickcassels.com.

August 17, 2012 at 4:05pm
Home

It’s on.

The BS from you guys keeps on coming! I thought I made it clear that I was only saying I could out-swim Ryan Lochte WITH PRACTICE, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Well fine, I accept your challenge, Mr. Lochte. I will race you, but on my terms:

-You are not allowed to wear goggles

-You must to eat a full Subway sandwich and chips and not wait 30 mins before getting in the water

-I can to use a snorkel if I want

-You can only do backstroke, while I can do backstroke, front stroke, breast stroke or get out and run alongside the pool

-Every 10 meters you have to turn around go back and touch the starting block

-I can call a time out anytime and chug a Red Bull

-I can shove you, but you can’t shove me

-If me shoving you messes with my swimming it counts as you shoving me and you forfeit the race

-I’m allowed to stretch as much as I want before, while your hands and feet will be bound for the entire race

-If the lifeguard has to pull me from the water that counts as me finishing the race

-If the lifeguard is cute and a girl I get to date her

-If she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend she’s an idiot

-And no longer cute

-I’m allowed to ride you like a dolphin

-Michael Phelps or an equally fast swimmer can go in my stead

-At any point I can swap you out with my niece who I know I can demolish because she can’t even swim that good

-If I pee in the pool you can’t make fun of me

-On the day of the race if I sleep in, forget or decide I plum don’t feel like doing it that counts as me winning because we’ll never know

-If the water is cold the whole thing is off

-After the race you have to sit down with me and eat a grilled cheese sandwich with me that I make for us

Notes

  1. 53712 reblogged this from patrickcassels
  2. joggingbunny reblogged this from patrickcassels
  3. youregonnahavetoyell reblogged this from patrickcassels
  4. bepuzzled reblogged this from patrickcassels and added:
    This is amazing.
  5. insertobsessionshere reblogged this from oddbrad
  6. hebehebrew reblogged this from patrickcassels
  7. lewombat reblogged this from patrickcassels
  8. thefaultinourtrolleycars reblogged this from patrickcassels
  9. lamborfeetsies reblogged this from finefools
  10. irishprick reblogged this from patrickcassels
  11. unemployedgirlwithtoomuchtime reblogged this from patrickcassels
  12. youcallthatrisotto reblogged this from finefools
  13. mizpants reblogged this from patrickcassels
  14. somewhereoverthegoddamnedrainbow reblogged this from patrickcassels
  15. patrickcasselsohyes reblogged this from patrickcassels
  16. kyungsoop reblogged this from vangoghmygod
  17. kimjongillerthanyou reblogged this from patrickcassels